The One!

"You're either the perfect person for me; the one I've been waiting all this time to meet - or you're the most convincing liar I've ever met." I said, as I looked into his eyes.

"It's destiny." He said, never breaking eye contact. "You're who I've been waiting for for 24 years."

Pause.

Rewind.

To tell this story I really need to start from the beginning. WARNING: this story contains graphic mush, and may be disturbing to those who are cynical and jaded.

Sunday I got out of work at 5, and met up with my one of my oldest NYC friends, Kristina. We've been trying to put together a time to hang out since I got back, but just haven't been able to get it together. She remarked the other day, that our efforts to meet up were starting to resemble a bad Shakespeare comedy. (Kristina, Kristina, where fore art thou Kristina?)

It was a lovely evening. We went to a street fair, then shopping at H&M where I got a HOT outfit, complete with necklace for just under $20. Then it was off to dinner and drinks, followed by some pot smoking in my hotel room. And since no night would be complete without a trip to the Duplex, we stopped in there for some piano bar lovin. Kristina left early, and I wandered home around 2. I was walking down my hallway in my hotel to use the bathroom, when I saw one of the most adorable boys I'd ever seen in my life.

Standing about 5'5", with long messy hair, some facial scruff and eyes that were beautiful, but looked so sad.

We made eye contact for just a second and something provoked me to speak to him.

"You look sad." I said just as we were about to pass each other.

"I am." he said, as we passed each other.

I detected an accent, but couldn't place it.

I turned to watch him walk away, only to see that he had turned back to look at me as well. We both nervously turned away and continued along our way. As I was leaving the bathroom, I ran into him again. This time he was leaving his room, and locking it.

"Are you ok?" I asked, seeing the pain behind his eyes.

He smiled and nodded, and walked towards the stairwell.

I went back to my room and had this sudden feeling that I should talk to this boy. Not my usual boy crazy shit, but a feeling that compelled me to go back out into the hallway to see if he was still there.

He was standing outside his door as I left my room. I walked towards him, unsure what (if anything) I was going to say.

As I approached him I felt my nerve disappearing. I started to turn the corner when suddennly he spoke.

"Do you have an extra cigarette?" He asked.

Again, there was definitely a foreign accent, but I couldn't place it.

"Sure." I said, handing him a Newport Medium.

"Thank you." He said with more sincerity then most people generate for those words.

We made eye contact and held it. We both looked directly into each others eyes for what seemed like an eternity, but was probably only about 30 seconds. I felt a chill, and uncertain what it meant, I retreated back to my room.

I sat on my bed and debated on what to do next. With just half a minute of staring into each others eyes, and a total of 10 words spoken, I felt something inside me stirring. I knew I had to do something ... I didn't know why, but I knew I did.

So I did a typically Kevin thing. I wrote him a note. It said that I thought he was cute, and that it made me sad to see him sad. It said if he wanted to talk to stop by my room.

I walked down the hall, slid it under his door and ran like a coward back to my room.

I smoked a bowl, and laid in bed, looking up at the ceiling and wondering what about this boy was sending off all these alarms in my head. I waited for a knock, but it never came. 30 minutes later, I dozed off, with thoughts of the foreigner dancing through my mind.

The next afternoon, I was spending a lazy afternoon in bed watching General Hospital when the knock finally came.

I opened the door, and he was standing there, looking timid and unsure.

"Hi." I said, feeling a bit timid and unsure myself.

We stared at each other for a few minutes, both unsure what to say or do.

I invited him in for a cigarette. He sat next to me on the bed, as we smoked in silence, while somehow never breaking eye contact.

He went on to tell me that he was seeing someone ... an older guy who lived in the hotel also but that he felt trapped with him. Unsatisfied. Just generally not happy ...

I could see the sadness in his eyes. Never had I met someone who had such expressive eyes. You could almost read his thoughts, just by looking in his eyes.

I leaned in to hug him. We held the hug for quite a while and when we pulled away, we made eye contact, with our faces just a few inches away from each other. My instinct was to kiss him, and as we stared into each others eyes, I could see that he wanted me to.

The first kiss was amazing, and every kiss since then has been just as amazing. We kissed for a few minutes before he stood up and declared that he had to go. He felt guilty.

"Would you like to do something tonight, when I get out work?" I asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.

"I can't." he said, and left it at that.

He leaned in and kissed me once more before walking out and closing the door behind him.

No more then 30 seconds had passed and my door opened again. He entered and kissed me immediately.

"Thank you." he said sweetly.

I made him take my phone number and told him to call me if he changed his mind about hanging out. There was something special about him. I knew it instantly. And I wanted so badly to spend some more time with him. To start to know him.

My phone rang at exactly 11 o'clock that night.

"Is this Kevin?" the voice asked.

I recognized the accent immediately.

"Yes."

"Do you know who this is?"

"Yes."

"I thought maybe I would change my mind. If you still wanted to hang out..."

"I'd love to."

We ended up at the Duplex, which I accurately predicted he would love. We held hands most of the night as we watched the various cocktail waitresses and bartenders get up to sing their sets. There was conversation, both with our voices and our eyes. I found we could communicate what we were thinking at any given moment with only a look to the other.

We held hands as we walked back to the hotel, and back to my room. We sat up and talked for hours and I became swept away with a sudden truth.

This is him. This is the guy. The one.

What made the moment even more incredible was that I could sense he was feeling the same way. There was so much we had to learn about each other... and it seemed silly to know someone is right for you just based on a feeling. We acknowledged that. We spoke about it. And we didn't care.

We smoked some pot and started singing showtunes. (GEEKS!)

"Love is a many spelndored thing... love lifts us up where you belong... all you need is love." I sang.

Moulin Rouge. My favorite movie. And his. We sang Elephant Love Medley, together sitting on my bed, staring into each others eyes the whole time. Me singing Ewan, him singing Nicole.

We reached the end of the song...and both paused for just a moment before looking into each others eyes and sniging the last line: "How wonderful life is ... now you're in the world."

We kissed.

"You're either the perfect person for me; the one I've been waiting all this time to meet - or you're the most convincing liar I've ever met." I said, as I looked into his eyes.

"It's destiny." He said, never breaking eye contact. "You're who I've been waiting for for 24 years."

We kissed again.

There wasn't a doubt in my mind. I'd finally met "the one" ...

Oh, the drama!...

Sometimes I really can't tell which is more dramatic ... soap operas or my life.

Let's start with Sunday, as that's where it all began.

I was depressed over Jamie leaving and so my friend Tara from work and her roommate Michelle, being the nurturing wonderful people they are decided to take me out to cheer me up. We went to the Duplex and I tried to snap into fun piano bar mode.

Not two minutes after getting there, there's a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and it's "B" ... He'd only been to the Duplex one other time, and that's when I had taken him. And a few days ago I'd done a melodramatic "Lose my number" thing with him after being seemingly blown off again. Yet there he was. He had taken co-workers out to for a night of fun, and they ended up at Duplex! (Damn you fate! DAMN YOU!)

The evening was dominated by that for quite a while as I went back and forth between hating him, and trying to make peace. Eventually, I made an attempt at putting the whole thing behind us, and it was rejected. I sat and pouted, even as my favorite songs were being sung up at the piano.

Then one of those things that only happens in New York, happened. A man dressed in nothing but an actual, honest-to-goodness American flag walked in and sat next to our group.

He seemed fun, if not whimsical so I struck up a conversation with him. He's older than my usual type ... 36. But he was funny, and sexy and I needed to be in a better mood. We were kissing within 10 minutes, and left together after 30.

He gave me his cell phone number the next morning, after a night of incredible sex and some good cuddling after.

Monday night after work, while checking email I get an IM from my ex Teddy from Florida. As it turns out he and his family were in New Jersey as part of a family vacation and he was going to be in New York the next day and wanted to hang out. I wondered what would come of it ...

The next day we met up around 1. I took him to Big Cup, the local gay coffeehouse/posing spot. While there we ran into a friend of mine from Maine, who was in town for a few days. (Small fucking world we live in!) Then it was off to my work for a few drinks, and then a walking tour of 5'th Avenue. It was great to see him, but there didn't seem to be any old "feelings" stirring up so I just enjoyed the day.

That night I decided to brave my first Tuesday Pieces night without Jamie. I texted "Flag Boy" and invited him to join, which he did. I crossed my fingers that there wouldn I hadn't realized that he was actually interested in me, but it became clear as we drank and chatted, and made out some more.

I spent the night at his house, and we went for breakfast in the morning. I'd drank too much, and blacked out part of the evening. I fear that (and another embarassing incident which I shant post here) might have ruined things before they had a chance to get started. It struck me over breakfast (when the damage was already done) that he was actually much cooler then I had initially given him credit for. I thought he was funny, but vapid - and it turns out he has much depth and is quite intuitive. It's always the ones you think are just gonna be tricks who end up surprising you.

Then finally, tonight at work, after not hearing from him since the night we hung out, "Buff Boy" came in for drinks with his friends. I played off as though he was just any other customer, and used an overly polite tone to let him know that as far as I was concerned he was not a friend - just a customer.

I'm definitely lonely lately... with Jamie gone, Jackie leaving...and no boy around, I'm definitely depressed more than I have been since arriving back in New York. Sometimes you just have to embrace the loneliness though. Embrace it, and make the best of it. Often times, that's when what you're looking for actaully comes to you.

Here's hopin'!

One Of Those Nights!

Last night was just one of those nights.

Maybe that's not specific enough. "One of those nights" is a rather overused expression, but I think once you hear about my night, you may agree that it certainly defines the term well.

I was tired from not sleeping enough the past few nights. I've also been nursing a bad mood lately. Jamie and I got into one of our famous, not very frequent, but huge when they do happen fights. Mid-argument I called his ex boyfriend in Arizona, in front of him and left a message saying to just get him out of here. That he obviously didn't want to be here.

I'd been upset cause I felt Jamie was losing his motivation to find a job, and we had it out when I came home drunk the other night. (Good good idea, huh?)

But we eventually stopped before it got too big, and I shared a few personal feelings about how much his friendship meant to me... and apologized for being the difficult boy I can be sometimes.

So it was over... but still botherng me even last night. But last night I had to work a double, because that's what I do on Saturdays. It was going to be cutting it super close on the rent, which is due on Sundays. I wasn't sure I'd make it, and I told Jamie to start brainstorming ... maybe hook himself out if need be.

But, though a slow lunch, I was put behind the bar to bartend for the night. I needed server money, and didn't think I'd make it on the 8% bar tipout. But at 8:00pm, in the middle of what turned out to be a busy evening a party of 18 came in and I was put on the floor to wait on them, and also a 9:00pm reservation, that David suspected was a mystery shopper. Since I scored highly on the last one I got ... he wanted to see it happen again.

They turned out not to be mystery shoppers, but a cool young foreign group. The bigger of the parties were French, so we added the tip onto their bill, just to be safe.

At the end of the night, I get my tips and I'd made rent! And I still have $25 left over after ...

Well, suffice it to say, I got SHITFACED at work. I sat and talked with some of my co-workers for a few. I flirted with the clearly gay mexican bus boy (I bet that will elicit some scandal from my dear readers) and then walked up and down 8'th Avenue.

Now I'm going to be a little fuzzy on the details of this part, because they involve a story I haven't shared here yet, and don't want to sidetrack off on now. Another time I'll tell about the crack in the pornstore ... (that could mean so many things couldn't it?) But last night I ran into the main player in the story I have not yet posted. (Helpful, huh?) And he followed me and began pressuring me to go uptown with his friend and he and get some weed.... I told him I had a guy who could hook me up at a nearby bar. That they should follow me. They wanted to go uptown, but followed. I looked for an opportunity to just jump into a cab as I drifted a little behind them but it didn't present itself. So I took them to Posh, a cute midtown neighborhood queer bar. I first tried hiding in the bathroom, but was quickly sought out. I walked upstairs and asked if they wanted a drnk. They said they'd drink whatever, so I walked to the bar, hoping they'd stay where they were.

They did.

I leaned in and asked the bartender for a favor: "Point towards the other end of the bar like you're directing me to someone. And please don't ask me why."

He looked at me for a second. I could see him contemplating whether I was worth the effort.

He decided after a few seconds that I was and gestured me towards the other end of the bar. I walked there, and leaned in to talk to the person I determined look the nicest after a very quick scan of the bar.

"Excuse me, I know I sound insane but could you do me a favor? In about a second, two guys are gonna be following me out of here, can you stop them for just a few seconds so I can try to lose them."

There was no contemplation from this man. He gave me a polite smile, and then told me "Go now, I'll take care of it."

Out the front door I bolted. I ran as soon as I was outside. I felt a real sense of fear about going with these people. I ran towards 9th Avenue and tried to hail a cab mid run. I could hear that he'd already come out the bar, with my white knight running behind him still trying to keep him from running after me. I frantically tried to hail two cabs that passed because I looked like I was running from someone. They're not so white knight, about it; those New York City cabdrivers. Finally one stopped as the guy was just about 20 feet away from me.

I jumped into the cab and immediately shut the door just as he grabbed the handle.

"DRIVE!" I shouted.

"You got it!" He said, and slammed on the gas. As he did, my pursuer had opened the front passenger door, but decided to let it go as the cab sped up.

It's no wonder just on these things alone that my night later found me crying to a transvestite who lives in my hotel, and was remarkably wise.

But it was what happenened when I got back to the hotel anxious to tell Jamie the story of my adventure, and the good news that rent would be covered.

The first thing I saw when I walked in the door was a note on his bed, which was neatly made. "KEVIN" was on the front of the note.

I started crying before I even picked up the note. I knew what had happened.

The wise (and sweet) transvestite who wiped away my tears after I told her about what was in the note. But she told me what I already new deep down. He went back to figure out for good the situation with him and Seth. And to lighten the burden on me that I'd been carrying for us while he got a job. That he knew I could move into a single the next morning now and pay a lot less and that that's what he intended by leaving Saturday, while I was at work. She knew just from listening to me tell the story that I could be sad because for now, my best friend is gone from my day to day life again. After over a month of having him around for everything again, I knew it was gong to be a hard and painful adjustment. But he was doing what he felt he needed to do ... so I had to understand. Even if secretly I worry that I might have been at least partially responsible.

I looked at the rent money laying on the bed, and started crying as I read his note. I cried so hard until finally the alcohol numbed me into a slumber.

You ever have one of those nights where you actually cry yourself to sleep?

Well last night, was one of THOSE nights.