A Letter To A Friend,

The following is a private letter I'm writing ... a private letter I'm writing here for it's recipient and for anybody who might find something in it's words enriching in any way.

Dear Amanda,

I'm writing this letter a little bit late. I'd planned to write letters to all of these people I knew and had something left to say to in Maine, before I left Portland. It's a thiing I do when I move cities. I have much unsaid to many people I suppose. Maybe that's just normal and everyone does, at least to some degree. I had planned to write letters to the most random people... a one-night stand... a friend I'd lost touch with ... a co-worker.... an ex-boyfriend I felt some unresolved issues with ... a taxi driver who'd become a friend.. or ... to you Amanda.

You were my first real friend at Denny's when I first moved to Portland. You covered my ass and saved my job so many times by covering for my ass. You'd always make me feel better when something was driving me crazy at work. Or when I was sad. When I lost my job and almost my sanity for a little bit and you text messaged me as I was in the depths of depression on New Years Day cause I'd lost my job, I was alone after Jamie left, and I was going to be faced with starting all over and uncertain I had the strength. You text messaged me and said "people love you. you're going to be alright."

You did all of these things for me and then when I no longer worked at Denny's I somehow just let the connection go. Sure, I came in a few times... I brought Bobby in when I first met that hottie and paraded him for you to see. And I told you to call me. And you said I should call you.

And I didn't.

And then when I moved out of Portland, you were on that list of people I was going to write goodbye letters to ... But I put everything off till the last minute and so I never wrote those letters. That letter that was going to tell you that the friendship you offered me just in text messages that day brought me out of perhaps what was the lowest my will to live had ever reached. I should have written this letter earlier but I didn't, cause sometimes I'm just a jackass.

This evening when I hung up the phone with Eric, who had called to tell me the news, I sat there for a moment and wondered. What if I'd written that letter? But I didn't. And so apparently this morning something took you to your lowest point and you hung yourself. I've only ever heard Eric cry one other time, Amanda. He doesn't show emotion. He especially doesn't show it to me. So you touched him too Amanda. You were so good at making everybody else feel better. All of us at Denny's. All of your friends everywhere I'd suspect. And your sadness was right there. It was clear for all of us to see, but you made it so easy to almost miss it... and I guess we just wanted to. I don't have any clue what drove you to do what you did this morning, but I wish I'd taken more time to find out. I wish I'd written this letter sooner to thank you, rather than later to apologiz.

But I'm sorry for whatever sadness you felt that you just couldn't find your way out of. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you like you were for me. And I'm sorry that such a wonderful light in this world has now left it to be an angel in it's sky.

Be At Peace-

Kevin

PS: If it's at all possible to request guardian angels, I'd like to put in an advanced order for you. I think that you'd probably be about the best one could hope for.